Is it my Fault that I have been Abused??

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If only I had been more patient, more loving, more kind, more soft spoken.

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If only I had been more and done more, I could have prevented my husband from abandoning me and pulverizing my heart. I had been warned.

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My family had told me to be nicer to him. My bishop told me to be more patient and not bother him with my petty problems. He was the one the neighbors called when they needed help.

Abuse Victim: It's All My Fault: I Provoked Him

He was the one all the young men in our church looked up to and respected. He was the one who made everyone laugh and was always the life of the party. He was the one who proposed to me at the top of a mountain with a bouquet of roses and a candlelit dinner. I was the one who stood in the shadows, pitied and silenced. My mind played tricks on me for years. To them, he was a saint. To me, he was a slimy slithering snake, waiting for me to make a mistake, so he could strike.

When we were first married, I fought the emotional and verbal abuse. But over time, it started to break me down until there was no fight left. I started believing his lies. He was perfect, and I was the damaged one. Any attempt to defend myself against his vicious attacks proved to be pointless. It was like pouring gasoline on a fire. He could go on for hours if provoked, reveling in his feeling of control and making me feel small and weak.

It became a game in which he won every time. The more I tried to fight back, the meaner and more hostile he became. He would say things like.


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You have no sense of humor at all. Local Oregon resources for adult survivors of child abuse and for survivors of domestic violence:. This results in a team of therapists who are exceptionally well-trained and knowledgeable about their areas of specialty. Tyree Dingle, M. Bryce Doehne, Psy. Angela Izmirian, Ph. Kati Lear, Ph. Jenna LeJeune, Ph. D Priyadarshani Priya Loess, Ph. Jason Luoma, Ph.

D Brian Pilecki, Ph. If it keeps on happening, it can affect your future happiness, so it needs to stop.


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What happens next depends on who you speak to and exactly what's happening at home. Remember that you can always talk to one of our counsellors about what can happen next.

'Abuse is never the fault of the victim' - GreenwichTime

You can ask us confidentially what the next steps are and how you can get support. Physical abuse affects people in different ways. Sometimes they might have obvious signs such as bruises or cuts, but these signs could also be hidden under clothes. They might be unusually quiet and withdrawn, or they might lash out and become angry, stressed or violent.

I Don’t Trust People

If you're worried about a family member or friend being physically abused, it can really help to let them know you're there to help them. Even just listening to what's going on for them can make a big difference. Disrespect nobody and info to help you spot the signs of relationships abuse. The Hideout gives advice for young people living in domestic violence. Thanks for giving us feedback!

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Online chat: 0 mins 0 secs You are talking to a counsellor. Thanks for waiting. Welcome to your chat. Exit chat. Chat ready: please press 'Go to chat' and your counsellor will be there The counsellor can wait up to 2 minutes. You are now in the waiting room. Site search Search box Search. On this page How physical abuse can affect you Why am I being physically abused Telling someone helps.

Some examples of physical abuse are: hitting, smacking and slapping punching and kicking pinching, scratching and biting shaking or suffocating you scalding or burning you hair pulling spitting or throwing things at you making you swallow something that hurts or makes you feel ill, including giving you medicine when you're not ill or don't need it. How physical abuse affects you Physical abuse can leave you with more than marks on your body. Physical abuse: Pete's story.